you know how easy I thought this was going to be? I thought it was going to be soothing and relaxing and great to have a small break from being a mom 24/7.
I am being well taken care of here do not get me wrong, but the lack of even just touch is making me fidget and upset. Little hugs everyday and tickle attacks from the children, kisses all over my face I miss terribly. What may even be more strange, I miss the loud atmosphere of it all, the hectic, loud, meandering nonsense that spews from my kids mouths I just MISS and can be be devastatingly painful some days!
I realize as much as I can complain sometimes about needing a break (which moms still need every now and then but never this long obviously) I really shouldn't take things for granted. Sure moms complain its normal, its the emotions talking most times from frustrations we feel. This is defiantly a learning experience for me and almost seems like a test. I just cannot wait for my entire family to be reunited, twins and all.
Now the kids are not the only people I am missing, I am Missing my husband time, I miss taking care of him as well, and I know he is struggling without me which makes me giggle but very needed at the same time. He has his sister cook for him and without a doubt his mother (I thank them both) because Joey DOES NOT cook anything at all and is more than likely hitting up those fast food joints. <----- not good!
Another reason I know I am missing him was when he left this 2nd weekend he was here, shortly after he left I started getting shortness of breath and was having a very hard time breathing, then the anxiety, then my body went into a panic mode and got really shaky, and the tears were running down my face .... I had 3 nurses trying to calm me down I didn't know what was giving me this and the nurses put it together that I did see my children that day and my Husband left just a few short hours ago, I had to be given a sedative/anti anxiety med to calm down and then i was monitored and extra time just in case babies were stressed. luckily I calmed down within the hour with what they gave me, and I even fell asleep earlier and slept nicely for 10 hours!
So this week has not started out to be the best of weeks but I just need to concentrate on these twins and I have to tell myself I am doing this for them. Hopefully the rest of the week can turn out to be more positive for me and I can calm down a bit, maybe take a dip in the pool tomorrow. The Twins are doing very good and by 28 weeks on Saturday its all up to them about when they want to be born, most twins are born between 28-34, so we shall see if they decide to make their OWN an appearance. (smiles)
in the meantime here is some nice reading about how roughhousing with your kids can be great for your children!
~Mary
I can't imagine how difficult this chapter in your life must be. I can completely relate to being around the kids 24/7 and needing a break sometimes but I wouldn't be able to handle more than a day, if that. As much as I might complain some days about how loud they are and the constant climbing and touching and needing, I need that in my life :)Its my balance, my zen. You're a strong mama to be able to do this and I hope this time in the hospital goes by quickly for you. <3
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